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Inspirational Quotes about Funny
Alan Alda quotes
If I can't get the girl, at least give me more money.
funny quotes by Alan Alda
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Fred Allen quotes
What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement?
funny quotes by Fred Allen
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Fred Allen quotes
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
funny quotes by Fred Allen
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Fred Allen quotes
Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.
funny quotes by Fred Allen
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Fred Allen quotes
Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for a star.
funny quotes by Fred Allen
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Fred Allen quotes
California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.
funny quotes by Fred Allen
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Woody Allen quotes
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.
funny quotes by Woody Allen
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Woody Allen quotes
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
funny quotes by Woody Allen
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Woody Allen quotes
I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead.
funny quotes by Woody Allen
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Woody Allen quotes
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
funny quotes by Woody Allen
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Woody Allen quotes
I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
funny quotes by Woody Allen
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Woody Allen quotes
If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job.
funny quotes by Woody Allen
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Saint Augustine quotes
O Lord, help me to be pure, but not yet.
funny quotes by Saint Augustine
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Brigitte Bardot quotes
Percentages are why I am rich.
funny quotes by Brigitte Bardot
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Dave Barry quotes
The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl.
funny quotes by Dave Barry
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Dave Barry quotes
It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.
funny quotes by Dave Barry
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Robert Benchley quotes
I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded fairly well.
funny quotes by Robert Benchley
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Robert Benchley quotes
Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.
funny quotes by Robert Benchley
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Yogi Berra quotes
A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore.
funny quotes by Yogi Berra
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Yogi Berra quotes
If you ask me anything I don't know, I'm not going to answer.
funny quotes by Yogi Berra
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Yogi Berra quotes
I never said most of the things I said.
funny quotes by Yogi Berra
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Josh Billings quotes
Every man has his follies - and often they are the most interesting thing he has got.
funny quotes by Josh Billings
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Josh Billings quotes
There's a great power in words, if you don't hitch too many of them together.
funny quotes by Josh Billings
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Josh Billings quotes
A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself.
funny quotes by Josh Billings
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Tommy Bolin quotes
The best money I made was panhandling.
funny quotes by Tommy Bolin
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Erma Bombeck quotes
Never have more children than you have car windows.
funny quotes by Erma Bombeck
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Erma Bombeck quotes
A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
funny quotes by Erma Bombeck
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James Brown quotes
I'm kidding about having only a few dollars. I might have a few dollars more.
funny quotes by James Brown
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George Burns quotes
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
funny quotes by George Burns
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George Burns quotes
I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.
funny quotes by George Burns
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George Burns quotes
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
funny quotes by George Burns
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George Burns quotes
When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.
funny quotes by George Burns
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Samuel Butler quotes
Parents are the last people on earth who ought to have children.
funny quotes by Samuel Butler
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George Carlin quotes
Weather forecast for tonight: dark.
funny quotes by George Carlin
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George Carlin quotes
What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?
funny quotes by George Carlin
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George Carlin quotes
In comic strips, the person on the right always speaks first.
funny quotes by George Carlin
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George Carlin quotes
Electricity is really just organized lightning.
funny quotes by George Carlin
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Chevy Chase quotes
Parrots make great pets. They have more personality than goldfish.
funny quotes by Chevy Chase
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Calvin Coolidge quotes
I have never been hurt by what I have not said.
funny quotes by Calvin Coolidge
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